JASON ROEN’S 53RV
Don’t let Trump’s (Stable Genius) tariff’s dissuade you — we are offering white-trash starter kits at the lowest price we can afford. The tariffs don’t affect us because we buy 100% from 8-year-old children, on the verge of retirement, in legitimate Asian countries like the Pedo Republic, New Guinea Pig, and South Molestostan.
Are you looking to have a home that also has a VIN? We have that for you.
Used Recreational Vehicle that has been cooked in, shit in, likely not fucked-in, but you get it next? We have that.
Looking to reverse that mortgage, and live on the road? We have that.
A passion for creating spaces
Hi, I’m Jason Roen. I’m the owner and operator of 53RV. While you may not be a cryptologist – our name is a portmanteau of Highway 53 and Recreational Vehicles. Cleverablity is our greatest asset.
You may not think an RV is for you. However, have you ever needed to microwave popcorn or take a shit in your car? We gotcha.
Cannot convince that particular date that you have self-worth, has she ever seen Wainscoting trim (she has) in a vehicle (she hasn’t)?
Want a vehicle that can be locked from the outside? Well we don’t do that, *but we know a guy who can!
Renovation and restoration
Let’s convert your van, install one-way mirrors, and go go go. Our model Epstein300, ensures privacy, adultery, and great MPG.
Continuous Support
Experience the fusion of imagination and expertise with having both a CD player and a shitter in one camper, Clark.
App Access
We don’t offer this, but you can access your RV by opening up your cell phone and wishing.
Consulting
Not what you need? Let our ex-felons TELL YOU WHAT YOU FUCKING NEED. I’m sure you’ll come around. YOU WILL COME AROUND.
Project Management
Buying an RV is a project and I will manage it. They got wheels, tires, and we can even install a wireless system that prohibits your “passengers” from ruining their experience by contacting the outside world.
Architectural Solutions
Experience the fusion of imagination and expertise of a box that has wheels and, it still has all the features of a box. Once you step inside, you won’t want to leave also you probably cannot leave because we offer custom solutions for that as well.
An array of resources
Our comprehensive suite of professional services caters to a diverse clientele, ranging from Epsteinian tastes to Trumpian delights. Discretion is key and hey, (between you and I), we don’t disclose nearly 32,000 pages. We disclose nothing! (Except for lawful subpoenas, in which we disclose all of your shit)
“53RV gave my husband and I the ability to have a chance to start over. We travel everywhere, pick up anyone we wish, and with their new “anti-tracking device,” it’s like we can dump a body anywere, LOL. We are silly.”
Kathryn “cannot testify against my husband” Priem.